I think i peed on brittanys purse
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
