so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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