Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
