I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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