I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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