She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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