he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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