god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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