My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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