Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When are your genitals available?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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