right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
