Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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