I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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