Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
