True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
