At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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