hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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