i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
