chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
