My girlfriend figured out who you are.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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