Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
