I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
