my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
