Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
