bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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