??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
