I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
