is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
