Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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