The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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