I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
