dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
