At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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