so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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