The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
