If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
