i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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