Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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