you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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