this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
