you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
