We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My dick has a subreddit
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
