Umm I'm too high to move.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Never underestimate the power of titties
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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