good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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