I wish I could teleport
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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