How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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