boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
