Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
