well I can't set my house on fire every night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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