That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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