Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
