so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
