I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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