We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
