I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
