That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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