you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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