he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
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