Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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