Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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