Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
