I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
