Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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