its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
