hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
