So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Someone signed my nipple.
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