You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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