Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
