I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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