I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
