Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
