I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
