They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
