I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
