I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
