How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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