How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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