first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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