take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
