I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
